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A serious major life update coming soon, but first something to brighten your day. It would make my year if I was walking down Hollywood Blvd. and ran into this.


Also worth mentioning, he completed the fight against Jose Cansenco last night and is still alive. Only Danny can hold his own against a guy 11 inches taller than him and 60 lbs heavier (read: a giant). Champ!
I've made a really big decision today.

I'm moving to LA in March.

It's been a crazy emotional day (there's been so many ups & downs lately I feel bi-polar), but it's more than time. I realized all the heart-pangs and conflicted feelings I was having about leaving I'll have about making the adult leap into life anywhere. I was in full adult mode in college but then moved back home after graduation, lost it, and have been feeling 16 yrs old ever since. Don't get me wrong. My parents are great they treat me like an adult & have no rules whatsoever (except for no swearing around Grace..and even so that's more Sharon's. Aunt Kate's slipped up on that one a few times), but I still don't feel like one living under their roof. Yet it's hard jumping back into the being-on-your-own thing when you've adjusted back into life as part of a clan rather than a singleton.

I'm so independent & miss that a lot. It's that jump (back) into adult-mode I'm worried about: coming home to a roomate instead of a fam of 4, a dog, and 3 cats (living with a 3 yr old you forget what quiet actually sounds like); paying my own bills & completely supporting myself including rent (my parents are too kind).

But the time's come where I need to do that stuff anyway. Long ago I decided I'm not staying in Cleveland, and any other city wouldn't exhilerate me as much as LA (nor would I have the connections anywhere else that I already do there). I've over-thought it enough. What's life without new experiences, adventure? It's what I want to do. It's what I have to do.

So it's settled. I've figured out financial stuff & have already started liquidating my room to get as much cash as I can in the bank before I go head West. My car can only hold so much anyway.

Malley's going to hate me.
What I really meant was...

10.) I'm really afraid you'll forget about me (and do when I'm not around).
9.) If you felt the pain you inflicted upon my family & me times 100 it wouldn't do justice to what you put us through.
8.) You are really not that physically attractive to me yet you are the cutest boy I think I've ever met. You have no idea whenever I talk to you how much it lifts my whole day.
7.) One of the best decisions I ever made was to not hang out with you my last week of college.
6.) One of the best decisions I ever made was to hang out with you my last week of college.
5.) I can't stand the person you've turned into.
4.) Get off your high horse.
3.) Pick me instead of her. I deserve you so much more than she does.
2.) To this day, it really hurts me that our relationship has been reduced to nothing more than a work reference.
1.) You won.


9.) I'm a really hard worker cuz theres so much I want to do in life. When I set my mind on something, I'll work my ass off till I get it.
8.) I could live on cold cereal & more often than not mix different kinds up in one bowl together
7.) I'm huge on variety (it's the spice of life!). I'll have bbq sauce, honey mustard, sweet 'b' sour sauce and mayonaise all for 3 chicken fingers. And 6 different flavors of coffee creamers for a cup of coffee. I don't use them all at once (or even necessarily at all), and I don't have to have them...one's fine...but i like having the choice.

6.) I prob won't ever be not single till my guy bestie proposes to me (whoever that'll be). No matter how serious it is I think of anyone I'm seeing as just really good friends & can't bring myself to have "the talk" (to make it official). Guys never force the talk. So until he pops the question...we're just hanging out.
5.) I can be really eloquent & witty some of the time, and really stammer all over myself not knowing what to say others.
4.) Whenever I don't write I feel like a part of me is cut off.
3.) If I go into a bookstore you'll have to pry me out.
2.) I'm not usually very outspoken, but there are certain causes I get really fired up about that I intend to be a mouthpeice to to bring about positive change. Being an advocate for them, I'd have no qualms taking bitches down.
1.) I love the whole transcendentalist movement/living simply mindset and try to live it myself (you know...minus the whole 'Walden' thing).


8.) Be really witty/sarcastic/charming. Even off-color humor's great as long as it's not too mean.
7.) Wear a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up (it says "I mean business, but am still laid back enough to get down 'n' dirty and have fun). Swoon.
6.) Cuddle.
5.) Good taste in music
4.) Be patient with me because even though I get along with everyone & am outgoing, it takes a while before I actually open up to you
3.) Leave cute messages for me in any form, anywhere.
2.) See 8. I really never realize how major of a thing that was for me till right now. I'm such a sucker for it.
1.) Give me a black eye & tell me to get back in the kitchen! (jk!)


7.) So glad I've been working out. I feel really good.
6.) friends
5.) boys
4.) My future/how I'm going to achieve the things I want to aka game plan
3.) essay ideas/a narration type voice in my head that is me composing what to write & how to say it
2.) whatever I've been reading
1.) snippits of funny things people have done/said that make me smile or laugh (i know...im a loser. but a happy one! haha)


6. Pee
5. set my alarm
4. Wash face
3. Brush teeth
2. put on my warm sleepy songs playlist if I'm listening to music to fall asleep to that night
1. After 10 min. of being comfy in bed, get out to open door for Malley scratching at it (if he's in my room, he wants out...if he's out, he wants in). Hate him.

way too many to list, and they mean a lot in too many different ways.


4.) speckled white/gray OU shirt that is the softest thing ever
3.) red sleep pants with different cartoon dogs all over them
2.) Ummm...a hair tie?

3.) The 15 seconds of the sultry pop z-lister I have as my ringtone that kinda sounds like Kelly Clarkson. Who the hell knows who she is but I really like that song.
2.) My warm sleepy songs playlist (see Iron & Wine, Finley & Quay, acoustic versions of a lot of songs. anything thats warm and sleepy sounding.)
1.) christmas songs! lately


2. Publish a book & be an advocate for one of the causes I'm passionate about to make progressive change (I list this with publishing a book because possibly that will be one of my outlets to get my voice heard through. Though I plan on writing many books, about lots of different things.)
1. Move to LA again. At least for a little while.


1. I spent more time filling out this survey than I should have.
The story about Sean Levert broke my heart and made me sick at the same time. For those of you that don't know, long story short an R & B singer was taken into custody for non-payment of $91,000.00 in child support. He was taking perscribed Xanax for anxiety. When they booked him, they made him surrender his medication.

He began having withdrawl symptoms & told jail authorities he needed his medication. They told him he had to wait 2 weeks to be evaluated by a jail physician. He got worse & worse until he started having hallucinations. They restrained him in a chair, shackling his feet to the floot & arms to a chair ("so he didn't hurt himself"). They say he shrieked & cried for 24 hrs. Then he died. They tortured that poor man, all because they wouldn't let him have his prescribed medication he was supposed to have.

Some of the story can be found here: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1584573/20080401/levert_sean.jhtml

As if I wasn't already fired up about correctional facilities & our prison system enough after my recent awareness to them, troubling stats pertaining to prison rape, & mental health patients in prison. Now this. That sort of treatment is beyond inhumane & absolutely inexcusable. There's SO many things wrong with the prison system. I'm seriously going to start writing to some people and getting involved in prison reform.

Jim did a song w/Gerald Levert (who died from a heart attack), Sean Levert's brother, so Wendy & Jim know their family.

In much happier & exciting news, Danny Bonaduce got an am radio show in Philidelphia! I listen to "Smoke Break" all the time at work, but this is super exciting cuz it means he's only 6 hrs away from me now instead of a whole country (97.1 is in LA). And on the radio double as much! Fucking awesome. My Uncle lives in Philidelphia. It's not that far a drive...
During the Presidential campaign I went to the store looking for a Halloween card for a friend of mine and came upon one that had a picture of a person opening the paper, with the headline clearly reading "Obama Wins!" Inside, it said "Sorry, this was the scariest card I could find. Happy Halloween!"

I didn't get it, but it sure got me (for a good laugh)!

That card became reality this morning. I truly dreaded looking at the front page of the morning paper. I went to bed early last night so I could avoid the news I knew was inevitable to come in the morning. Just wanted to prolong it a few hours more; even if I was unconcious. But, like a hangover, it came anyway.

My candidate lost. Actually, I think my ballot was lost cuz I sure don't see any results of anything I voted for. Unlike the majority of the U.S right now, I am a registered Republican. And proud of it, even if the whole "Maverick" thing makes me cringe (that's just bad sloganing. 'Maverick' isn't the first adjective that pops in my mind when I look at ANY 70-something year old man. Nothing personal.), and my chosen man-of-action had to publically conceed. There's a lot of upset Republicans right now, and I'd be lying if I said I was completely ok & happy with Obama as our new President; but I'm a reasonable person and realize that Bush has been in office a really friggen long time. The U.S has undergone a lot of sh!t in that time with the war, the economy, etc.. Any Democrat could've run under the platform of Change and gotten in. People LOVE saying they "voted for change!" (trust me, I've stomached it all day long. I've stomached it ever since I got my job and every single person--without exception--in the office is Democrat & has come in every day with new jokes & fodder chiding John McCain & Sarah Palin. Especially Sarah Palin. Not to mention hearing about it from all my Democrat friends).

I agree, we do need a breath of fresh air in the White House right about now. I would even go as far as agreeing we need a Democrat there. But I still don't think Barack Obama has the ka-hon-ay's to properly do it. I'm leery of his experience (rather lack thereof) and the direction he'll take us, among lots of other things. Pigs have better chances of flying than to hear me ever say "Go Obama!" However, I'm also a gracious loser. We've been outnumbered, and whether I like it or not (I don't) Obama is our new team Captain. I will not admonish or berate him, because by doing so I would turn into all the Bush-haters I loathe. Not because they loathe Bush, but because they won't respect their own President Of The United States. Which to me, is ungrateful, uncouth, and un-American. We're all in this together, whether you like it or not.

So I'll do the only thing I can: Focus on the few things I do agree with him on (I may be Republican but I'm not hardxcorex Conservative. Believe it or not, at the very beginning I was going to vote for him).

HOPE is right. I HOPE he does a good job, and I HOPE I'm proved wrong.
I've thought about it 100% constantly even when I try not to think about it and have decided I am moving to LA in the fall.

Even after making the decision I still deliberate about it, but I keep going back to it and feel pulled to. It's hard to distinguish if I want to move to LA or just out of Cleveland and this house, but even if I moved to Columbus no matter what job I take in Ohio it won't live up to LA or the job there. Or at least I dont think so? Work is 80% life, so if i'm unhappy with my job that's a big part of life to be unhappy about. Thats why I'm going back to focusing on my career. I'm kinda quitting any hope for a romantic life for the time being cuz it just doesn't work. If theres no romantic life I'll throw myself into work, which will at least be advancement in some area in my life. I guess that's an advantage a lot of people don't have...since I've never had a boyfriend or any connection like that to anyone here, I'm not tied down. I should take advantage of that, live souly on my own decisions, doing things only for myself.

I'm young, LA's exciting. I need to live there while I'm young and can. I'd hate to be 80 and say I never lived anywhere but Ohio. I can come back to the East coast by my late 20's if I want, still be young, and have all that experience under my belt.

I'm so unsure about what direction for my life to take, at least this would be taking some direction rather than standing still, living at home and being a bum, which I'm doing now but hate doing. Way too easy to fall into here. I need to go back to being my own adult. I feel like a child here.

So I'm getting any regular job now I can...working at a mall or retail or something...and saving up till Fall, when I'll move out there.

I just have to get over being scared of moving out there by myself. I already did it once for 3 months. It wouldn't be any worse, in fact much better since there's not all that shit going on back home & I'm actually talking to my family now instead of being disconnected and feeling alone in the highest sense and out there. There are things I love about LA. It's normal to feel hesitant about big change, but you need change to grow. It would all just be change.

There's a lot of ways I'd be happy. Columbus would be good too, but I'm afraid I'd always wonder what would have happened if I did give LA my all and try my hand out there. I'd rather roll the dice to find out than regret it the rest of my life.
Since my grad party is Hollywood theme and stars will be abound I'm having life-size cardboard cut-outs of famous people I'm gonna cut the heads off and we can be/take pics as! This one of Marilyn Monroe I'm getting for sure cuz it's superfamous:


The other one I'm not sure what to get for the boys. I've narrowed it down to a few. Here's my options:

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0027%20James%20Dean.html - James Dean

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0097.html - Fabio

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0318.html - Austin Powers

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0445.html - The Terminator

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0586.html - Clark Kent Superman

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0587.html - Superman 2

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0589.html - Superman 3

Or I could also get this one instead of a boys one cuz it might be fun to take as a 2 people pic:

http://www.cardboardcutouts.com/0668.html - Rhett Butler & Scarlet O'Hara

I can't decide. What would boys like to be more that screams "Hollywood"? I'm thinking not Fabio or Austin Powers, cuz even though it's funny they're not as Hollywood as the others. Opinions!! I'm ordering them as soon as I decide.
Holy shit last night was the scariest night of my life! I was sitting here typing my last entry in lj when it started to storm out BAD and the power went out! I looked around and was sitting in complete darkness, couldn't see anything. I went "woah" the same time Stef did across the hall. Got up and started fastly walking to her room, the power came back on and when it did we were 2 feet away from each other in the hall cuz she had started coming to my room too. We held hands immediately and went downstairs to double lock all the doors so when the power went out again we didn't have to worry about an axe murderer coming in. We got upstairs just in time for the power to go out again.

Our old, rickety house is SO scary! It's never 100% dark, we always keep at least the bathroom light or hall light on, but there was NOTHING. We didn't have flashlights or anything. The rain was coming down in droves, the wind was making all our doors creepily sway back and forth, and the lightning was all around us so much it was like a periodic strobe light in our house. It was like we were in "Twister"! It also didn't help we broke into the T.B ward a couple hours earlier so we had that still in our head.

From that point on we stayed huddled together anywhere we went. Stef had to go to the bathroom and I'm like "I'm coming with you". Then when I went later Stef stood in the hallway in the bathroom but while I was on the toilet but after 30 seconds went "Oh my gosh I have to come closer" and stood by the window a foot away from me instead. I pooped and you could hear it drop. We both cracked up it was really funny. Went back in her room on her bed and closed her door. The only light we had was from my cell phone glow and her computer screen. She looked out her window and the whole city was black as far as we could see. It was so bad we thought maybe a tornado was coming but had no internet so I called my Mom at 4:30am to look it up.

It died down while I was still on the phone with her but the power was still out. As our house was lit up from lighting she read the info under the weather report and is like "Lightning is the #1 most common natural killer..." haha she was on speaker phone and serious but Stef & I both started laughing. I'm like "Mom don't tell us that now!" She recommended candles and thank god i have a lot of those so we got them from my room, lit them in Stefs. We felt like pioneers. It made it much better but really warm. We stayed like that laying in her bed with all the candles around us until 6:30am, then I went back in my bed cuz it was light enough out outside to not be scary anymore.

Then I slept till 4:30pm. That was prob a boring entry to read but the scariest thing and a bonding experience so crazy I don't want to forget it.